A Man, An Idea, A Legend

Word spread quickly today that oil prices fell $3.00 on news of waning demand. A man, known only as Zindex, is said to be the visionary at Vandelay Industries who single-handedly implemented this new green strategy.

On a local information forum (www.riverviewforums.com), Zindex is quoted as saying,

"The place I work has 20 PC's on the sales floor that were left on basically 24/7 but we only work an 8 hours day so just recently I held a meeting and said that we would be shutting down the PC's at the end of the day to do our part. I found some conversions on the web and did the math and by my implementing this new rule at work I will be save roughly 38 barrels of oil a year Due to our decreased use of electricity. Dnd guess what? Check out this headline on yahoo today. Oil tumbles more than $3 a barrel as supply worries wane if I'm just one man and can have this effect through conservation, imagine what 2 or 3 of us could do."

Once thought of as merely an eccentric consultant, Zindex is now appreciated for his vision and inspiration to others.

We, at Green Banana, in appreciation for his efforts, have given Zindex three free carbon credits. He has also received an honorary "Green" certification seal from us. As another local fan, BT Redhill wrote, "Viva! Viva el Zindex."

Legend Evolves into Fact

Chimeras were once thought to be only fodder for sci-fi thrillers like the X-Files. But, due to drastic climate changes, reptilian creatures, once relegated to the urban legends of drunken low-country dwellers are now gaining traction as fact. Most scientists acknowledge that reptiles prefer warm conditions given their natural cold-blooded state. Lizard people may be an ancient hybrid of human and alien or human and reptile; they may have been hibernating for centuries awaiting the surface temperatures to reach a point that is conducive to awakening and breeding.

All indications are that the famed "Lizard Man" is in fact real, and very much alive. At first, the average viewer might think these images are a poor attempt at filing a car insurance claim, but "Acts of god" are not usually covered and noone can explain with certainty what tried to eat a Chrysler product in South Carolina.

WISTv picks up the story:

BISHOPVILLE, SC (WIS) - After a nasty surprise Thursday morning for one Bishopville resident, she's wondering if the "Lizard Man" is back.

Dixie Rawson of Bishopville sent WIS News 10 an e-mail about a big surprise she got at her home Thursday morning. "The whole front half of our van is chewed up. There are bite marks right through the front grill. Both sides of the van above the wheel wells were bitten and the metal is bent like a piece of paper."

It reminded Dixie of the local legend of the "Lizard Man" that stretches back for decades. Now some are wondering if the Lizard Man is back.

The legend blows in with a brisk winter wind, sending chills through neighbors in Lee County.

"I couldn't believe it, I just couldn't believe it," says Bob Rawson. He looks down at the blood and claw marks on his van. "He literally bit, you can feel where he bit straight through here."

Who is "he"? It's a point of renewed debate in the area. Some are sure they know the only creature capable of this kind of damage is the Lizard Man.

If it is the Lizard Man, he's back nearly two decades after first being spotted near Scape Ore swamp.

No one's ever been able to confirm the account of the seven-foot monster with green skin, three toes and a three clawed fingers.

In addition to the car damage, the Rawsons didn't find their cats in the boxes where they usually sleep. They did find the towels inside shredded, and the same story with the morning paper. Whatever did this, the Rawsons aren't taking any chances.

His Glock loaded, Mr. Rawson is ready to shoot what he feels is most likely a bear. Lee County Sheriff E.J. Melvin says it could be a coyote, but then again, "All the scratch marks, people are saying, 'Sheriff, it's Lizard Man.' Don't know. It's hard to say."

Several of the Rawsons' 20 plus cats have also disappeared. They're hoping they were just scared away.

Reported by Dan Tordjman

http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=7948448&nav=0RaP

Before tragedy befalls the rest of the civilized world, you must act. Your local actions coupled with the purchase of Green Banana Carbon Credits will make tremendous in-roads to saving our planet from certain destruction. Think globally. Act locally.

Breaking News - Slaughter in Canada

(Northern Canada) WLJS News reports today that the impact of global climate change (global warming) is being felt by Canadian seal hunters across the thawing tundra. Melting ice is resulting in more helpless baby harp seals being relegated to the less-frigid arctic waters where orcas are able to feed as if at an Asian buffet.


Canada allows the annual harvest of 270,000 baby seals but this number is threatened as fewer seals are available for the land-borne gathering process. Gatherers, as they are called by authorities, are increasingly in competition with one another to achieve their annual allotment. Robert "Iceberg" Coolaide says "there have been several attempts on my life." In the rustic lodge where we met, he rolled up his left pant leg to reveal a jagged scar where "...the barbed harpoon penetrated my thigh narrowly missing the femoral artery. I felt like I had become the hunted as I bled onto the melting ice." He went on to explain how the harpoon felt like a hot knife jaggedly slicing through butter melting skin, tendon, and muscle - much like the warming atmosphere from greenhouse gases is doing to the polar ice. In his words, it was "the ultimate irony." No longer are seals threatened by man - man is threatened by man as we seek to destroy the planet with the fruit of our reckless technologies.

While many environmentalists bemoan the taking of 270,000 innocent seals each year, that number pales in comparison to the tragic loss of seal life that will occur as more infants are exposed to the harsh environs of the cold seas. Orcas are violent killing machines; conservative estimates suggest that one orca can kill at least 150 baby seals every year. With an estimated 3,600 orcas in an 1,100 square mile segment of ocean, that equates to 540,000 dead seals every year.

Bill E. Maze, popular television spokesman and avid outdoorsman, says "these numbers are staggering. Humans were thought to be violent, senseless killers, but no more!" Global warming is turning orcas into the most efficient killing mechanism on the planet. "Poultry plants would be thrilled with carnage efficiency ratings like this."

Only you can help reverse this trend. Only you can turn the Titanic around before it's too late.

You must stop global warming; while you may have no choice but to drive alone to work every day and spew countless toxins into the atmosphere, you can at least invest in 25 carbon credits at $2.00 each. A mere $50, less than the cost of 15 gallons of gasoline will help save a precious baby seal. Do your part. Act NOW!! A life depends on it.

Asia - the Globe's Armpit

The USA is often criticized as the world's greatest polluter yet the bulk of the world's population is half a globe away in Asia. Countless studies show that China and India spew most of the world's pollution into the atmosphere as they lack the controls employed by the US.

Pictures paint a thousand words. You decide.

Meanwhile, what can YOU do locally to demonstrate your global mindset? Contribute to Green Banana's effort to turn private property back into the oasis it once was. Your commitment is only as deep as your pocketbook. Give generously. Give often.

Your mother (earth) thanks you for loving her back.

Judges Orders Apology

The Eco Enquirer reports:

(Sioux Falls, SD) A peaceful Sunday of fishing turned sour for Josh Williams recently. The problems started when Mr. Williams hooked a nice smallmouth bass, and a bald eagle took notice. While the eagle swooped in, attempting to catch the bass in its talons, Mr. Williams was observed by a Fish and Wildlife Service officer trying to scare the eagle away by throwing stones at it.

The FWS officer testified in U.S. District Court of South Dakota that Mr. Williams had clearly violated one of the Endangered Species Act's prohibited activities that specifically makes it illegal to "...harass....an endangered or threatened species without a permit from the Secretary of the Department of the Interior."

The judge agreed, finding the man guilty of a misdemeanor violation of the Act. The judge was lenient in sentencing, however, requiring only that the man apologize to the eagle. Mr. Williams expressed remorse, stating that the eagle would be welcome to help him fish anytime it wanted to. The eagle had no comment.

Polar Bears "Dropping Like Flies" From Heat Exhaustion

(Cold Bay, Alaska) Warming temperatures in polar regions are causing an increasing number of polar bears to collapse from heat exhaustion, local hunters report.

Jeremiah Johnson, a local hunter who tracks and kills polar bears "because they are there" has seen three of the behemoths collapse before him in just the last month. "It just isn't sporting to shoot one of these creatures when they are suffering like this", Johnson said as he recounted his attempts to revive a bear he was ready to shoot.

Local TV meteorologist Sky McCloud explained, "Average annual temperatures in the area have risen from 20 degrees below zero to 15 below zero in the last 30 years, and these giant creatures simply can not withstand the excess heat."

Bear researchers concur with McCloud. Dr. Phillip Slander, of the University of Alaska's Wildlife Health and Comfort Department, said "People don't realize how much heat stress these temperatures put on polar bears. The bears are increasingly being seen taking dips in the ocean in their attempts to cool off."

Researchers believe that it is only a matter of time before polar bears are pushed to the brink of extinction. "Ten degrees below zero seems to be the generally agreed tipping point", said McCloud. "Once average temperatures reach this level for several days in a row, the bears start dropping like flies."

Dr. Slander recounted a recent incident in which a polar bear attacked a local homeless man, and had devoured only a small part of the man's body before collapsing from exhaustion. "Because of global warming, the bears' normal way of life is changing rapidly..it's tragic."